Article from  dating coach  James Bauer [1] “How do I know there’s not someone else out there for me?” Amanda asked. “What if I end up with the wrong person because I didn’t hold out for someone better?” I’ve heard so many women ask some version of Amanda’s question. (I’ve heard men ask this question, too.) How do we know that this person is as good as we can get? How do we know if we’re settling? There Are Always More Options This question has become even more pressing thanks to online dating. Dating apps present a cornucopia of potential partners. If one person doesn’t work out, there’s always another. The “paradox of choice” tells us that having too many choices is stressful. Picking the perfect option out of 10 choices is a lot easier than picking the perfect option out of 100. It’s easier to be satisfied with your choice when you know that you’ve looked into all available options. With online dating, it’s physically impossible to look into all the options. You can’t meet ...

Article from  dating coach  James Bauer [1] Linda was tired. She was in her mid-fifties and didn’t look like she used to. Her face, her hair, her twenty pounds of extra weight… made her wonder what any man would see in her. She came to me for help recovering from heartbreak after she’d met a man online. She felt stuck, obsessing about this man and too discouraged to try dating again. “I’m too old for this,” she told me. I asked Linda to tell me all the factors that she thought made her ineligible for love. She reeled off a list. Her age, her weight, her appearance. She wasn’t very interesting, she wasn’t good at texting, she didn’t have any exciting hobbies. She looked at me. “Do you need more? I can keep going.” “And all those things disqualify you from love?” I asked. “Yes.” That’s where I knew our work needed to begin. The Right Mindset Matters Nothing wrecks your self-esteem more than dating. It feels like everything about you is put under a microscope for judgment. Online...

Article from  dating coach  James Bauer [1] When Kate came to me, she had a very specific goal. She was in a complicated situation with a man. They’d been together for some time. Recently he’d pulled away. He told her he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore. Their relationship wasn’t “doing it” for him. He needed to feel free to meet other women. But he didn’t want to lose her. Kate felt frantic. She latched onto the last thing he said. He didn’t want to lose her. Surely that meant he had feelings for her. What could she do to show him that she was his one and only? So many women like Kate have been driven to desperation by the fear of losing their man. They’ll do anything to keep him in their life, even if it means compromising their values or settling for a situation that’s not anything like what they wanted. If YOU were Kate… And your guy told you that either he wanted to break up or he’d keep seeing you as long as you allowed him to see other women… What would you do? Ask th...

This is a story you might have heard before. A man meets a woman… And he falls hard. He’s never met anyone like her before. They have so much fun together. She makes him laugh. They talk about things he usually doesn’t talk about. He thinks about her all the time. He makes it his business to find out everything she likes. He plans things he knows will excite her. Finally, he asks her to be his girlfriend. He feels stronger and more like a man with her by his side. He’s proud of having a girlfriend as cool as she is. Then it happens… The glow starts to fade. When she reminds him to do something, it feels like nagging. He can tell she’s getting irritated at him for his irresponsibility. He gets irritated at her because he feels judged. He doesn’t need another mother. She wants to talk about the “problems” in their relationship. He feels like she’s trying to change him. They fight more often now. He decides that she wasn’t different after all. She’s not special. She’s just like every othe...

Article from  dating coach  James Bauer [1] “James!” Kelli threw her bag on the floor and flung herself into the chair. “I knew it! I found the evidence.” “What evidence?” I asked. “He still has pictures of her. Couple pictures, right there in his bedside drawer! And she’s still in his contacts list. I knew he was still in love with her. I knew it!” She leaned forward and fixed me with a stare. “So, how should I confront him?” We All Have a Past Chances are, your guy has an ex. He may have any number of exes. He had feelings for all those women once. What does that mean for your relationship with him now? When women come to me with worries about their partner’s romantic past, I ask them to think about their own past. Was there anyone you were deeply in love with? Do you still have feelings for him, after all this time? Many women report that there was at least one man they thought they’d be with forever. They remember how in love they were. Some of those old feelings are still...