Get Your Power Back in Relationships

Do you ever feel like men have all the power in love?

You’re supposed to be figuring out what THEY want and waiting until THEY contact YOU.

MEN are the ones who ask women out. MEN are the ones who propose.

And you can’t do anything about it.

It’s time to bust that belief that men have any more power than you…

With these 3 ways to get your power back in love.

Consequences of Playing the 1950s Girl

Here’s something that bugs me…

We live in the 21st century, and there are STILL folks telling women that they have to behave like good 1950s girls if they want to get married.

Women should be feminine and let men take the lead and make sure he feels like a Big Man.

Sorry, but I don’t want to go back to the 1950s. I’d rather stay in the 21st century where I’ve got the internet and great coffee and career options!

Here in the 21st century, men and women stand as equals.

We don’t NEED a husband; we WANT a partner.

And that 1950s dating advice isn’t going to get us 21st century love.

If you play the role of a good woman who never makes the first move, is always thinking of ways to please her man, who adapts to him instead of expecting it to go both ways, two things happen.

1. You end up waiting for EVER.

Where have all the good men gone? They’re right here, but they’re talking with women who made an effort.

That old dating advice that women should sit on the sidelines and “smile pretty” just doesn’t cut it anymore.

A lot of guys are shy. A lot of guys are busy. There’s too much noise.

He may not even notice you unless you say something first.

So take responsibility for your part in the dating game! Notice him. Say hi. Start a conversation. Being friendly is not the same thing as throwing yourself at him. 

2. You’ll attract jerks.

Playing the demure, passive good girl will attract men—but not necessarily the right kind of men.

These guys want a woman who recognizes that the man is in charge. He’s the head honcho in the relationship.

And that may feel sexy at first—50 Shades of Gray, right?—but it gets old fast.

If you’re going to make a life with this guy, you want to have a say in how you live your life. It can’t always be about him.

But he may not like it when you start standing up for yourself. He didn’t sign up for that. Things can fall apart fast.

Spot The REAL Catch

When you expect to be an equal partner in a relationship of equals, you will put some men off.

And thank goodness for that! That’s what’s supposed to happen.

If a man can’t handle your spirit and your boldness and your sense of conviction, then he’s disqualified himself from your affections.

You don’t want an insecure guy who feels bad about himself because a woman dared to assert herself with confidence.

The men who are the REAL catches don’t care whether a woman has opinions or says hello first or expects to have an equal say.

Their masculinity is strong enough that nothing outside of them can threaten it, certainly not a conversation with a woman!

3 Ways to Get Your Power Back

So the first thing I’d have you do is to stop believing that your true self threatens men in some way.

If you have to make yourself small in order to make him feel big, it’s not worth it.

The second thing I’d ask you to do is allow yourself to show interest in guys you like.

We’ve been told that we can’t let a guy know we’re interested; otherwise we’ll scare him off.

But men are people, too! They like to be liked.

If your instincts say that this is someone you’d like to get to know, then reach out. You can’t go wrong as long as your intention is to connect.

Where things blow up in our face is when we WANT something from someone. They can tell we have ulterior motives.

But liking and appreciating someone is always welcome.

Finally, the third thing that’s REALLY important is to stop feeling like your worth depends on being chosen.

You’re not worth less than another woman just because you’re not partnered.

Truly confident women know their confidence comes from within. They don’t need a relationship for validation. They know their worth.

And when someone tells you, “What? A pretty thing like you? Why hasn’t some lucky man snapped you up yet?” you’ve just got to shake your head. Some people, right?

Isn’t it crazy to think there are still folks out there who think you’re just half a person if a man hasn’t placed his stamp of approval on you?

Men aren’t our saviors. They’re not the voice of validation. They’re just human beings like us, hoping for someone to love them.

Go Ahead, Break the Mold!

Yet we live in a world where women are STILL judged for breaking the mold.

And nowhere is that more clear than in the antiquated dating rules we’re still expected to play by.

A LOT of people want us to stay in our places.

You have to ask yourself, “Who does it serve for me to wait on the sidelines for a man to choose me?”

Because here’s what it doesn’t serve…

It doesn’t serve LOVE.

Love celebrates. Love isn’t betrayed when we don’t stick to our assigned gender roles. Love gets excited when we show up. Love doesn’t control or judge.

And if a man—or another woman—shames you for daring to live life the way you please, then they’ve told you all you need to know. There’s no love in that heart. Move on.