He’s doing it to mess with your head. At least, that’s what it FEELS like.
He’d be consistent. He’d say how he felt.
Instead, you’re stuck wondering why he never called you when he said he would…
Why he seemed so eager to catch up then never contacted you…
Why he texted you a hundred times yesterday but won’t reply to your texts today.
You’d cut him loose but…
It’s SO good when you’re together.
You really like him. You really think this relationship has a chance of going somewhere.
But do all those mixed signals mean he’s just not that into you?
Let’s find out!
Now He Likes You, Now He Doesn’t
We all do it.
We assume other people’s behavior is because of us.
When he’s blowing hot, it feels like he’s really into you.
When he’s blowing cold, it feels like’s going off you.
You wonder what you did to put him off. Did you say the wrong thing? What can you do to make him like you again?
We forget that people act the way they do because of reasons that (most of the time) have little to do with us.
So don’t jump to the conclusion that his mixed signals are a sign of his changing affections for you.
Those mixed signals say a lot more about his current focus than they do about you or your relationship.
Mixed Signal Reason #1.
He doesn’t want to blow it.
If a guy likes you, he should say so.
He should make his feelings known!
But most guys out there believe that’s a BAD idea.
When you tell someone how you feel right away, you put them off.
Often, when a guy likes someone, he doesn’t want to “jinx it.”
So he deliberately holds himself back. He doesn’t want to sabotage this thing you’ve got going. He doesn’t want to put pressure on you.
Plus, a lot of guys aren’t as socially confident as they’d like to be.
They’re worried about rejection.
They assume women prefer guys who are aloof and unavailable.
So they battle between wanting to pursue you and wanting to appear as if they’ve got busy lives and aren’t thinking about you at all.
Try this: Give him positive feedback. If he asks you out, reciprocate by asking him to do something with you next time. Tell him how much you enjoy seeing his texts. As he realizes you’re open to something more with him, he’ll feel freer to make his feelings known.
Mixed Signal Reason #2.
He doesn’t want a relationship.
When he spends time with you, he seems to really enjoy it.
But then you don’t hear from him for a week…
Or he books up his weekends with activities with his buddies…
Or he shuts down and doesn’t have much to say about what’s going on in his life.
It feels like he doesn’t have much room in his life for you.
And that may be the case.
Sometimes guys give you mixed signals because they’re not looking for a relationship.
They want someone around to have fun with, but they’re quite happy to go back home to their bachelor lives.
Sometimes these guys don’t even realize you want more.
They think you’re perfectly happy with the occasional fun date, because they assume you feel the same way they do. You have your life, and he has his life, and sometimes you meet up and have fun, but you don’t owe each other anything.
Try this: Ask him what his ideal life would look like. Then pay attention to whether there’s a woman intricately woven into his daily life in that scenario. If a committed relationship is absent, then you know he’s not looking for love.
Mixed Signal Reason #3.
He’s deliberately holding you at arm’s length.
Some men know how to make women fall all over them.
They use a technique called intermittent reinforcement.
It works like this:
Sometimes, he treats her like the love of his life. Other times, he treats her like someone annoying who’s demanding too much of him.
She never knows what to expect. She can’t stop herself from trying to figure out what he wants so that she can be that woman, and he’ll transform into Prince Charming and never treat her badly again.
Ever been with a guy like that?
He gives you just enough positive reinforcement to keep you hopeful, but just enough distance so that you never feel confident in his affections.
Those guys are not good relationship material.
They don’t want the intimacy, consistency, and security that are the hallmark of healthy relationships.
Try this: When he treats you badly, walk away. Set clear boundaries around what you expect. If he’s not capable of the work of loving—which involves respect, appreciation, and commitment—then let him play games with someone else.
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