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What Science Says about Making a Great First Impression



What is the most important thing you can do to make an amazing first impression?

  1. Say all the right things,
  2. Look fabulous,
  3. Talk with your hands, or
  4. Relax and enjoy yourself?

Vanessa Van Edwards wanted to find out the answer.

She’s a researcher who studies charisma, leadership, and the art of making first impressions. Clearly she knows her stuff: her TEDx talk has been viewed 1.5 million times.

Here’s what she discovered…

 

#1. What you SAY isn’t as important as what you DO.

He’s only half-listening to you.

He’s focused on watching you. When what you say doesn’t match your body language, he’s going to believe your body.

It’s not just men who are visual creatures. We’re ALL visual creatures.

Our brains put more weight on what we’re seeing than on what we’re hearing.

To his brain, your hand gestures are 12.5 times more important than your words.

So don’t worry so much about saying the right thing. Trust your body to do the talking.

#2. How you LOOK matters less than how LIKABLE you are.

You’ve got 7 seconds.

That’s all it takes for him to form a lasting first impression of you, according to Van Edwards.

Even though he’ll notice what you’re wearing, what he cares about even more is that you’re likable.

Are you the sort of person he’ll enjoy sitting down and chatting with for an hour?

One trick to becoming more likable is to make sure you’re emotionally available.

Are you open and interested in meeting someone new? Do you have the time to spend on a lengthy chat? Is your body language showing your availability?

If you’ve got your arms crossed, your purse held in front of you like a shield, or your feet pointed towards the door, he won’t want to talk to you for long.

#3. Your hands tell all.

What do you do with your hands when you talk?

Do you rest them on the table or on your lap? Do they hang loose at your side? Or do you shove them in your pockets or clasp them behind your back?

Your hands are one of the first things he notices about you. No, not because of your manicure. It’s because of human evolution.

Our ancestors immediately looked to an approaching stranger’s hands to see if he was carrying a weapon. If the stranger’s hands were hidden, their guard went up. If his hands were visible and open, he was seen as a potential friend.

So you should always make sure your hands are visible when meeting someone new. Keep them in front of you, use them to gesture, or rest your arms on the table.

If you really want to be memorable, speak with your hands.

Expansive hand gestures make you a joy to watch. Van Edwards found that the most memorable TED talks involved 465 hand gestures, twice as much as the least popular talks.

#4. If you’re stressed, find a way to feel better or stay home.

You’ve probably heard the advice that you should always accept an invitation to go out, even if you don’t want to.

But feeling stressed sabotages your chances of making a good first impression.

Even though most of us think we can fake it if we’re not having a good time, our faces betray us.

Your face displays subtle microexpressions that reveal what you’re really thinking.

People can tell whether you’re smiling politely or whether you’re smiling with genuine feeling. They won’t feel as connected to you if they feel you’re putting on an act.

That’s not to say you should never go out if you’re in a bad mood. But what it DOES mean is that you should try to shift your mood before walking through that door and meeting someone new.

(Amy Waterman's book The Pleasure Principle offers some great ways to start.)

Now that you know what the research says, what do you think is the most important thing you can do to make an amazing first impression? Is it:

  1. Say all the right things,
  2. Look fabulous,
  3. Talk with your hands, or
  4. Relax and enjoy yourself?

You got it!

The single most important thing is to make sure you’re relaxed and enjoying yourself.

Of course, it never hurts to say all the right things, look fabulous and talk with your hands.

But if you’re not enjoying yourself, none of those will be enough to make a fabulous first impression.

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