Skip to main content

What Science Says about Making a Great First Impression



What is the most important thing you can do to make an amazing first impression?

  1. Say all the right things,
  2. Look fabulous,
  3. Talk with your hands, or
  4. Relax and enjoy yourself?

Vanessa Van Edwards wanted to find out the answer.

She’s a researcher who studies charisma, leadership, and the art of making first impressions. Clearly she knows her stuff: her TEDx talk has been viewed 1.5 million times.

Here’s what she discovered…

 

#1. What you SAY isn’t as important as what you DO.

He’s only half-listening to you.

He’s focused on watching you. When what you say doesn’t match your body language, he’s going to believe your body.

It’s not just men who are visual creatures. We’re ALL visual creatures.

Our brains put more weight on what we’re seeing than on what we’re hearing.

To his brain, your hand gestures are 12.5 times more important than your words.

So don’t worry so much about saying the right thing. Trust your body to do the talking.

#2. How you LOOK matters less than how LIKABLE you are.

You’ve got 7 seconds.

That’s all it takes for him to form a lasting first impression of you, according to Van Edwards.

Even though he’ll notice what you’re wearing, what he cares about even more is that you’re likable.

Are you the sort of person he’ll enjoy sitting down and chatting with for an hour?

One trick to becoming more likable is to make sure you’re emotionally available.

Are you open and interested in meeting someone new? Do you have the time to spend on a lengthy chat? Is your body language showing your availability?

If you’ve got your arms crossed, your purse held in front of you like a shield, or your feet pointed towards the door, he won’t want to talk to you for long.

#3. Your hands tell all.

What do you do with your hands when you talk?

Do you rest them on the table or on your lap? Do they hang loose at your side? Or do you shove them in your pockets or clasp them behind your back?

Your hands are one of the first things he notices about you. No, not because of your manicure. It’s because of human evolution.

Our ancestors immediately looked to an approaching stranger’s hands to see if he was carrying a weapon. If the stranger’s hands were hidden, their guard went up. If his hands were visible and open, he was seen as a potential friend.

So you should always make sure your hands are visible when meeting someone new. Keep them in front of you, use them to gesture, or rest your arms on the table.

If you really want to be memorable, speak with your hands.

Expansive hand gestures make you a joy to watch. Van Edwards found that the most memorable TED talks involved 465 hand gestures, twice as much as the least popular talks.

#4. If you’re stressed, find a way to feel better or stay home.

You’ve probably heard the advice that you should always accept an invitation to go out, even if you don’t want to.

But feeling stressed sabotages your chances of making a good first impression.

Even though most of us think we can fake it if we’re not having a good time, our faces betray us.

Your face displays subtle microexpressions that reveal what you’re really thinking.

People can tell whether you’re smiling politely or whether you’re smiling with genuine feeling. They won’t feel as connected to you if they feel you’re putting on an act.

That’s not to say you should never go out if you’re in a bad mood. But what it DOES mean is that you should try to shift your mood before walking through that door and meeting someone new.

(Amy Waterman's book The Pleasure Principle offers some great ways to start.)

Now that you know what the research says, what do you think is the most important thing you can do to make an amazing first impression? Is it:

  1. Say all the right things,
  2. Look fabulous,
  3. Talk with your hands, or
  4. Relax and enjoy yourself?

You got it!

The single most important thing is to make sure you’re relaxed and enjoying yourself.

Of course, it never hurts to say all the right things, look fabulous and talk with your hands.

But if you’re not enjoying yourself, none of those will be enough to make a fabulous first impression.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

12 words that trigger a man’s love response - secret signal

If your man is hot or cold, acting distant or putting you last on the priority list then you will definitely want to see this. Did you know there’s a 12 word sentence you can say to your man... that will trigger intense feelings of love and instinctual attraction for you deep within his chest? Because hidden in these 12 words is a “secret signal” that fuels a man’s instinct to love, please and protect you with all his heart... >> 12 Words That Trigger A Man’s Love Response   " I've realized I won't be happy without you in my life" This instinct is so hardwired into a man’s genetics that it will drive him to work harder than ever before to make your relationship the best part of both of your lives. In fact, triggering this powerful instinct is so important to having the best possible relationship with your man that once you send your man one of these “Secret Signals”... ...You’ll immediately notice him open his mind and heart to you in a way...
1 comment
Read more

The Attraction Trip-Wire that Awakens a Man’s Deepest Longing for Love

Trip Wire: “A hidden trigger that sets off a series of explosive events.” Deep within the heart of every man is an intense longing to be someone’s hero. This longing has ancient origins. You see,the cause of this longing is written into the very fabric of his DNA. And there it lies, dormant… until one day, the right trigger unleashes its power. I’d like to show you how to become that trigger, and how   to awaken the full force your man’s bonding instinct. But first, a story. It’s the story of human connection.  Before we can care deeply about someone, we must know something about their life story. Because stories evoke empathy.  Stories allow us to picture ourselves in someone else’s shoes.  Stories form the foundation of all human connection. They create the sensation of one shared life experience. It’s strange, but true, that we can even find ourselves rooting for thieves and criminals so long as we see their story unfold. Movies like  ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why He Keeps Coming Back But Won’t Commit

“It’s not you. It’s me.” “I’m worried I’m going to hurt you.” “You deserve someone better than me.” “I can’t give you what you need.” If you’ve been on the receiving end of those excuses, you know just how frustrating they are. Doesn’t he get it? You WANT to be with him. You know he’s not perfect. You know he can’t give you the world. And you don’t care! Love is accepting people for who they are. You can’t help but think there’s something you can say to him… Some way to make him understand… You’ve got a really good thing going here. Can’t he see that? When clients come to me, heartbroken over a man who leaves them as often as he stays, I always wish I could fix it for them. The first thing I tell them is the good news. The good news is that he’s clearly getting pleasure out of spending time with you. If he wasn’t getting any pleasure, he wouldn’t be coming back. So he does experience the good bits of your relationship. There’s only one problem: He’s not willing to stick around for the ...
Post a Comment
Read more