He’s great. He’s better than 90% of the guys out there. You can think of a lot of things you like about him. He’s kind. He’s thoughtful. He’s funny. But… He’s not perfect. There’s this thing about him that annoys you. Maybe it’s that gross sound he makes when eating… Or his obsession with some sports team… Or the way he spends his money. And you think: Could I live with this forever? Won’t this drive me crazy in a few years? The Negative Outweighs the Positive Our brains are wired to spot the worst in any situation. This is called the  negativity bias. We see what’s bad in people far more quickly than we see what’s good. We assign far more weight to those bad traits than the good ones. For most of human history, this bias kept us safe. If there was a source of danger in your environment, you needed to pay attention. You didn’t want to stop and smell the roses when there was a saber-toothed tiger hiding in the bushes! The negativity bias helped our ancestors survive, but it d...

  Which would you prefer: To be loved or to be respected? The answer is obvious. Of course it’s better to be loved. You can have all the degrees and achievements and fame in the world, but without love it feels a bit hollow. Do you think most men would agree? If your answer was  yes , think again. According to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, best-selling author of  Love & Respect , a man’s deepest need is not love. It’s respect. A man would rather feel respected by the woman in his life than adored by her. If he doesn’t feel respected, it doesn’t matter how much affection she showers him with. It won’t touch his heart. Many women are well aware of what they call their man’s “touchy ego.” Men can get offended easily. Some guys find it difficult if their partner earns more than they do. But many women dismiss a man’s ego needs as immature or juvenile. “He just needs to get over it,” she declares. Dr. Eggerichs would disagree. In a survey of 400 men, he found that, if forced to c...

Think back to 10 years ago. What were you doing? Was there a man in your life around that time? How much can you remember about him? What feelings come up when you think about him? Do you miss him? It’s amazing how sparks fade over time. No matter how you felt about him then, there’s probably not much feeling left now. Regardless of whether you hated him passionately or loved him passionately, he’s not relevant to your life today. You’ve moved on. You’re a different person. He’s probably a different person, too. Now imagine that you were still together, 10 years later. How do you think you’d feel about him now? Do you think you’d feel the same as you remember feeling all those years ago? Feelings change. People change. Situations change. It’s quite remarkable to find a couple that feels EXACTLY the same about each other now as they did 10 years previously. That’s why one of the least steady foundations for a life together… Are your  feelings  about one another. After all, the ...

  Article from Amy Waterman[1] I’m not sure anything can hurt more than this. You’re giving the one thing you value most to this man—something you’ve saved, something that’s very precious to you, something that brings great joy and happiness—and he’s saying… “Nope. Nah. Don’t want it.” It makes you feel foolish. Like you’re standing there, holding this beautifully wrapped gift—a gift you’ve made just for him, with all your sweat and tears and blood, a gift that’s priceless—and he’s walked away without taking it. You can’t help but wonder if everyone is watching. Did everyone see you give your love to him and the way he walked away? There’s humiliation. There’s rejection. Because this gift you’re giving him is your heart. It’s  you.  And he doesn’t want it. You admire and respect and love this man so much. If someone like him won’t love you, maybe your gift is worthless. Maybe no one will ever want your heart. STOP RIGHT THERE. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it sucks. But this is not...

  You’re going shopping, you walk into the store, and you see some jeans. These jeans look AMAZING. You love this brand, they’re completely affordable, and you’ve seen celebrities wearing these exact jeans. There’s nothing else that catches your eye, and you feel like you can’t leave the store empty-handed. So you buy the jeans. You take them home and put them on. They’re not the best fit. The waistband digs in. They’re tight when you sit down. But see how flattering they look in the mirror! You wear the jeans the next day, and after 10 hours of wearing them, you realize they’re not terribly comfortable. You throw them in your closet, and they end up staying there. Because as beautiful as those jeans were, they weren’t the right fit for YOU. He’s a Great Guy, But Is He a Great Fit? Finding the perfect guy is a lot like finding the perfect jeans. You go “shopping” on an online dating app. You’re looking for someone who catches your eye AND seems “within your budget.” There are a lot...