Skip to main content

2 Strategies That Can Save the Day When He Pulls Away

He’s pulling away.
You can feel it.
It’s not just that he’s not contacting you as often. It’s the way he communicates. Almost as if he’s irritated by you. As if it’s a big effort to pick up his phone and text you back. 
It hurts.
It hurts because you thought you had something special. You thought he felt it, too. He couldn’t wait to spend time with you. His texts made you smile. You know he was happy with you.
So what changed?
Don’t Push Him Away Even Further
When someone you care about pulls away, all sorts of thoughts go through your mind.
You think it’s something you did. It feels like he’s punishing you. You’re terrified he doesn’t love you anymore. Why do all men end up leaving you? Are you too broken to love?
You can feel the panic building. You’ve got to do something to save your relationship. How can you bring him back? How can you make him act like he used to?
It’s one of the most common dating dynamics:
He pulls away, and you try to pull him back.
But trying to pull him back is risky.
A man may respond to your efforts by pulling away even harder … or breaking free altogether.
Don’t get into a tug of war, where you’re trying to pull him closer and he’s pulling back. Try one of these strategies instead. 

If You’re Dating, Let Him Set the Pace

Dating is a weird time in a relationship.
You feel as if you’re getting super-close. The chemistry is mind-blowing. But no one has said anything about staying together forever. You don’t have any hold on him. He could stop calling tomorrow.
For a lot of men, dating serves a purpose. It enables them to enjoy a woman’s company without letting her fully into their lives.
Men are good at compartmentalizing their love lives. Yes, he’s seeing you, but he’s not necessarily thinking about you when he’s with his friends or at work. He can block out parts of his life that aren’t relevant to the task at hand.
So when he stops messaging you as frequently, you feel as if he’s forgotten about you. You feel he should be thinking about you all the time—probably because you’re thinking about him!
But that’s an expectation he may not be able to meet. He’s still got a life apart from you. Your two worlds haven’t merged yet.
In the dating stage, you can avoid pushing him faster than he’s ready to go by matching your communication frequency to his.
If he texts you three times a day, then text him three times a day.
If he wants to see you every other week, then make time for him every other week.
Let him set the pace…
And don’t take it personally.
As long as you’re “just” dating, I encourage you to keep your online dating profile active. Keep meeting other guys, even if you’re not really into it.
It gives you a different energy when he’s not the only man on your dance card. He can tell you’re not depending on him to occupy your weekends. 

If You’re in a Relationship, Talk about It

But maybe you’re not dating.
Maybe you’re in a committed relationship.
And he’s freezing you out. He’s going cold.
So you look for anything you could do to warm him up again. You send him certain text messages. You dress up in a sexy way. You act understanding.
And he still doesn’t respond.
So you take a risk. You send him a text. “Is something wrong? It feels like we’re growing apart, and I miss you. I want us to be closer.”
And you get a noncommittal reply.
What’s happening??
There’s a natural ebb and flow of closeness and separation in even the best relationships. Couples balance time together with time apart, “we time” with “me time.”
But sometimes that balance shifts, leaving one partner out in the cold.
In healthy relationships, you’re able to talk about your feelings with each other. You can say, “Hey, I feel like we’re not hanging out as often! Let’s make more time for each other.”
In fragile relationships, you feel like saying anything will make your relationship implode.
But saying nothing gets you nowhere. And sending him a text is not the same thing as starting a conversation.
So if your guy is pulling back, talk to him in person, face-to-face.
Tell him that you want to talk about how you balance “we time” with “me time.” It feels like you’re spending more time together than apart. What does a good balance feel like to him? How many texts a day feel right?
When you approach him with the goal of getting his input into finding the perfect balance in your relationship, he’s more willing to problem-solve. He can see your point of view.
Just remember this:
When a man pulls away, it doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong.
It may not even mean your relationship is in trouble.
But if you react with fear, you might push him away further.
So try to see the shifting tides of separation and closeness as a natural thing. Your goal is to find the right balance.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

12 words that trigger a man’s love response - secret signal

If your man is hot or cold, acting distant or putting you last on the priority list then you will definitely want to see this. Did you know there’s a 12 word sentence you can say to your man... that will trigger intense feelings of love and instinctual attraction for you deep within his chest? Because hidden in these 12 words is a “secret signal” that fuels a man’s instinct to love, please and protect you with all his heart... >> 12 Words That Trigger A Man’s Love Response   " I've realized I won't be happy without you in my life" This instinct is so hardwired into a man’s genetics that it will drive him to work harder than ever before to make your relationship the best part of both of your lives. In fact, triggering this powerful instinct is so important to having the best possible relationship with your man that once you send your man one of these “Secret Signals”... ...You’ll immediately notice him open his mind and heart to you in a way...
1 comment
Read more

The Secret to Instant Sex Appeal

Would you rather  look  sexier or  feel   sexier?  What if you could have BOTH? You can. And no matter if you’re currently single or happily dating, the effect on your love life can be profoundly positive. There are many ways to feel sexier.  But one of the simplest ways is the tried and true cosmetic, lipstick. Psychologists have known about the “lipstick effect” for a while. The term was coined after the Great Depression when cosmetic sales soared despite limited financial resources. [1]  It was later confirmed as a legitimate trend. But not without some backlash. A few years ago, a group of researchers argued that women only try to make themselves more attractive to secure a mate.  [2]  The theory was understandable unsettling, as it suggested women will do whatever’s necessary just to find a man. But a recent study has revealed something new. A team of Harvard researchers found that women actually perform cognitive tasks  better...
Post a Comment
Read more

5 Ways Men Express Love

For Victoria, getting an “I love you” from her partner was like getting blood from a turnip. She could count on one hand the number of times he’d said it. She said it to him all the time. She was always thinking of little ways to show she cared. Yet he just assumed she knew how he felt. “I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t love you,” he told her once. It seemed to her that he took her for granted. She didn’t want to be in a relationship where she never knew how he felt. She wanted romance and reassurances. She wanted long conversations. Instead it felt like their relationship centered on practical things. What needed doing, what was happening, what the weather would be tomorrow. She didn’t  need  to know the weather. She needed to know he loved her. The Feelings Problem Feelings are a problem for 9 out of 10 couples. (Totally made up statistic, but I’ll bet it’s close.) In a nutshell, the Feelings Problem is this: She expresses her feelings… and he doesn’t. He sometimes wishes ...
Post a Comment
Read more