Skip to main content

How to Play Hard to Get – With Science!


Article from Amy Waterman[1]

As women, we know 3 things:

  1. Men are natural hunters.
  2. Men want what they can’t have.
  3. Men only value what they’ve had to work for.

The conclusion is obvious.

You don’t want to be easy. You want to play hard to get.

But won’t playing hard to get drive him away? And isn’t it kind of manipulative at the end of the day? Why pretend to be busy when you’re not? Won’t he find out you’ve been lying to him?

To find out the answers, let’s look at the science of playing hard to get. You’ll discover HOW to play hard to get, WHO plays hard to get, and WHEN to play hard to get.

How We Play Hard to Get

There are 5 main ways we play hard to get in romantic relationships.

  1. We limit our availability.
  2. We’re busy all the time.
  3. We’re not easy to get hold of.
  4. We blow hot and cold.
  5. We act uninterested.

We use these tactics for two reasons.

Playing hard to get makes us a scarce resource. We don’t go out with just anyone. Done right, that scarcity drives up our value. We’re perceived as more of a catch.

We also play hard to get to make men chase us. We want to see him work for it. If he wants to be with us, he’d better make a commitment and prove he’s in it for the long haul. So we pull back and make it hard for him, to see what he’ll do.

And it works!

The more someone invests in you, the less they’re willing to walk away from their investment. In economics, this is known as “sunk cost fallacy.” People have a hard time walking away from something they’ve worked hard on, even if it’s probably never going to pay off.

Who Plays Hard to Get

So who plays hard to get?

Anyone can use these tactics, but there are two kinds of people who tend to play hard to get more than others:

  1. People who are manipulative
  2. People who are already a catch

Manipulative people like the way that playing hard to get can wrap someone around their little finger. It’s all technique and no heart.

People who are already a catch are already a scarce resource. If they were open, friendly, and made all the time in the world for everyone who wanted to get to know them, they’d be run off their feet! So they use hard-to-get tactics to sift through all their mate prospects and narrow down the field.

When to Play Hard to Get

So, the million-dollar question…

Does playing hard to get actually work?

The answer is: Only in certain situations.

If a man is looking for a casual hookup, he’s not going to pick a woman who’s playing hard to get. He’s going to pick someone who’s easier.

On the other hand, if a woman is looking for a casual hookup, she’s going to look at guys who are aloof and unavailable. She’s less likely to hook up with a guy who’s already made it clear he’s interested.

That preference plays out on first dates, too.

A first date is NOT the time for a woman to play hard to get. Men prefer women who are friendly and likable on that first date, because those traits are perceived as more feminine.

Men, on the other hand, SHOULD play hard to get. Women prefer men who are a little bit aloof on that first date, perhaps because they come across as more masculine.

In general, you only want to play hard to get if you’ve already established a foundation of attraction.

If he likes you, and he thinks you’re likable and fun, then a bit of playing hard to get can ramp up desire and encourage him to invest a bit more in the relationship.

What playing hard to get CAN’T do is create attraction from scratch.

If he’s not already interested, you’re making him work for something he doesn’t want. He won’t go for it.

You’ve also got to get the balance right. If you act too aloof, you’ll push him away.

So balance the push with the pull. Use hard-to-get tactics more as a way to tease him and enhance mystery. See it as something playful. Balance it with warmth, affection, and connection.

Are you a sucker for a guy who’s hard to get? Where have you experienced the most success: with vinegar or with honey? 

And for more tips on attraction, make sure to grab my free report on The 3 A’s of Effortless Attraction. If playing hard to get isn’t your thing, and you’d rather make people feel good, then you’re going to want to find out what’s inside. Get it here.

[1] Amy Waterman, M.A., is an international speaker, author, and love expert. Her work has appeared in over a dozen online courses, including  The Pleasure Principle, Save My Marriage Today, Connect & Commit, and How to Be Irresistible to Men. With over 15 years of experience in the love advice industry, she knows that the search for love is at the heart of the human experience.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

12 words that trigger a man’s love response - secret signal

If your man is hot or cold, acting distant or putting you last on the priority list then you will definitely want to see this. Did you know there’s a 12 word sentence you can say to your man... that will trigger intense feelings of love and instinctual attraction for you deep within his chest? Because hidden in these 12 words is a “secret signal” that fuels a man’s instinct to love, please and protect you with all his heart... >> 12 Words That Trigger A Man’s Love Response   " I've realized I won't be happy without you in my life" This instinct is so hardwired into a man’s genetics that it will drive him to work harder than ever before to make your relationship the best part of both of your lives. In fact, triggering this powerful instinct is so important to having the best possible relationship with your man that once you send your man one of these “Secret Signals”... ...You’ll immediately notice him open his mind and heart to you in a way...
1 comment
Read more

The Four Tendencies in Relationships

Have you ever dated someone who never got off the couch? You knew he had amazing potential, but he never did anything with it. Trying to motivate him was a waste of time. Or maybe you’ve dated the opposite: Someone whose time was scheduled down to the minute. He never did anything spontaneously; it all had to be planned in advance. He was amazingly productive but an imperfect boyfriend. He had too many other priorities. Gretchin Rubin noticed these patterns when she was writing her 2015 bestseller,  Better Than Before.  She was examining why we find it so hard to establish desired habits and break bad ones. She found that some people are really disciplined. They’re good at living up to expectations. It’s a point of honor to them. You don’t let anyone down. These people were also really good at structuring their own time. They set their own goals and worked hard to meet them. But then there were people who could not follow the rules. They thought discipline and habits were for ...
Post a Comment
Read more

How to Captivate a Man, make him fall in love and give you the world

A story told by Bob Grant (relationship coach) 10 years earlier, she sat at a fancy restaurant with beautiful music playing when Tyler got up out of his chair, bent down on one knee and ask her to be his forever. Stunned and speechless, she started to cry with tears of joy as she said yes to his proposal. When they were married she knew she’d picked the right man for her and wanted to make sure she was the wife he had always wanted. So she did what she thought a man would like. She almost always agreed to his sexual advances while being both positive and upbeat, most of the time.In fact Tyler often bragged to other couples that she was one of the most giving women he had ever known.  All Seemed Well Until One Fateful Morning... She was making her morning coffee when Tyler came into the kitchen and sat down at the table…and waited.  At first, she thought nothing of this until she turned around and saw him staring off into space.  “Anything wrong?” she innocently ...
Post a Comment
Read more