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Is He Bad at Texting or Just Not Interested?

He could at least text back.

How long does it take? 30 seconds?

When you get a text, you write back right away, unless you’re in the middle of something.

And even then you make sure he knows you’re not ignoring him. You dash off an emoji, or you text back just as soon as you are able.

You make the effort because you know how it feels to send a text and wait and wait and wait for a reply.

It’s irritating. You keep expecting him to text you back, and he doesn’t.

You keep checking your phone, wondering if you missed the notification.

After an hour or two, you start to feel worried. Did he get your text? Is his phone out of charge?

The thought can’t help but cross your mind that he did see your text but chose to ignore it.

Why would he do that?

A cold feeling spreads through your gut.

The Texting Danger Zone

Of course you expect your texts to be read and replied to in a timely manner. That’s how it normally works.

When you send a text to someone, the other person will read your text within 3 minutes 95% of the time. On average, it will take them a minute and a half to respond.[1]

That’s the average, but there are differences between age groups. Older adults tend to text less often than younger adults.

But older adults are more likely to enjoy receiving texts, while younger folks are more likely to find constant notifications a distraction.[2]

The problem with statistics is that they don’t explain the behavior of any particular person.

He may be the sort of person who never checks his phone.

And if you’re with a guy like this, you might assume he doesn’t care about you. Surely, if he cared, he’d make the effort for you.

You need to know whether he’s genuinely bad at texting… or just not interested.

Here are 3 ways to find out.

1. Ask This On The Second Date

There are so many ways to communicate.

WhatsApp, Facetime, Facebook Messenger, Instagram DMs, email… the list goes on.

Most of us have a preferred form of communication. And, for two thirds of us, it’s not texting.

Some people prefer to talk on the phone. Others spend all their time on Facebook.

You need to find out what his ideal form of communication looks like.

So, once you decide that you like each other and want to explore a connection, ask him:

“What form of communication do you prefer?”

Then share with him how you like to communicate.

2. Explanation or Excuse?

If you’re already in a relationship, and you’ve confronted him about the fact that he never texts you back, pay attention to his reply.

Is he explaining himself, or is he making excuses?

A guy who is genuinely bad at texting will want you to understand why he didn’t reply. He doesn’t want you to feel like he’s neglecting you. He’d be horrified that you felt that way.

He will go to some lengths reassuring you that his failure to reply doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you.

On the other hand, be wary of the guy who tells you, “Well, I’m just bad at texting,” and leaves it at that. He doesn’t have to apologize. This is who he is, he implies, and you just have to deal with it.

That attitude suggests a lack of respect for you and a lack of interest in meeting you halfway.


3. Text Time vs Face Time

Texting means different things to different people.

For you, texting may be a way to maintain a sense of emotional closeness when you can’t be together.

For him, texting may be an interruption that distracts him from what he’s doing. He may prefer to keep his life compartmentalized. When he’s at work, he’s 100% thinking about work. When he’s with you, he’s 100% thinking about you.

So it’s important to keep texting in perspective.

If you’re with a guy who’s bad at texting but consistent in asking to see you, his behavior speaks louder than words. It takes much more effort to plan a date and spend an evening with you than it does to dash off a text.

Some guys play a great texting game, but they don’t set aside blocks of time to spend with you. They prefer the minimal investment of a text over the more substantial investment of taking you out.

Don’t let texting distract you from what really matters:

Whether you are building a healthy, strong connection that will last.

[1] https://www.localproject.net/docs/texting-stats/

[2] https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/04/29/seniors-smartphones/

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